I'm trying to figure out what to do with myself. Here are general thoughts:
MSW/MTS—Get my master's. This is looking most likely at the moment. Do I know what I want to do with this degree? Nope. I want the theology work, and I want the MSW degree and skills. And hopefully I'll figure out what I can do to be helpful in the world. Hopefully.
Farm—Stay in Pennsylvania. Keep loving the land I already love. Learn to farm, live in a big house with lots of space for others. Keep investing in the community here.
But,...
-I don't know a darn thing about farming.
-I don't know if I can live in Boston.
-I really want to live in the middle of nowhere.
-I want to live near other people I love.
-Can my depression handle Boston? Who knows? My dad doesn't think so.
-Staying the way things are is not an option.
-I have no money to try the farm thing.
-I have no marketability in what I want to do, whether it be in farming, social work, or theology.
-I still feel a pull to spend time abroad.
-I have no idea where that would be or what it would look like.
-Basically every option scares the crap out of me.
-And every option makes me really happy.
-I really just want to live in community and love people. I just don't know what that will look like.
Eek. Have I mentioned that I'm scared??
3 comments:
"-Basically every option scares the crap out of me.
-And every option makes me really happy.
-I really just want to live in community and love people. I just don't know what that will look like."
...
not that this will help matters at all, but i have a feeling that there is no "right" option at this point... they're all going to be scary and wonderful and provide opportunities for growth... and will most likely leave you still grasping for straws and trying to figure out where life's taking you a few years from now...
...
i love you!
Oh dearest, in so many ways I feel like this same sort of thought process is happening with me. Do I want a PhD? What about getting an MDiv? Do I really want to stay in academia? Why aren't academic conversations feeling relevant to real life any more? Why am I loving working for a church so much? etc.
So yeah, I feel for you. We'll both come out of this. I love you!
yo, it's always easier if you are figuring out someone else's life, so I have a deal: I'll trade ya. You figure out what I'm gonna do next year, and I'll find you something to do ;)
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