Feminist Mutuality: Embracing Female and Male

As a feminist, I sometimes lean more toward the radical end of the spectrum. Not in terms of religion, though—I've long been convinced that Christianity helps to inform and support a feminist theology of liberation. No, my identification with the left-wing of feminism comes in the form of anger: pure, infuriated hatred of what male systems have done to females, and the identification of males with that system. In other words, sometimes my anger against patriarchy leads me to hate all men. It's only sometimes, but it's certainly been a part of my thought processes for some time.

Up to this point in my life, I have had plenty of male friends. But they would inevitably make me angry, too, and my moments of hating all men would continue to buttress a lurking antagonism toward males for much of the time. Now, though, I'm in a relationship with one of the most incredible men I've ever met. It occasionally crosses his mind to undertake feminist analysis on common cultural relics (which I adore). It's impossible to bend him to gender stereotypes: in addition to rock climbing, he loves flowers, dancing, and other “pretty” things (his own descriptor). More importantly, he has an uncanny unselfishness that makes me want to cry at its beauty.

This one man, and my linkage to him, quells my rage. My feminist self, instead of being able to hate him, loves all that is good in him—and there is much (as his girlfriend, I think I find myself loving even the parts of him that are less than good, simply because they are parts of him, but that's another matter). The good in him causes this feminist to celebrate: our being together, his love of the world, his inherent value as a human being regardless of gender, and his beauty in being uniquely himself.

In working on a project, I came across a quote that specifically related to women, but that I desperately want to apply to Brandon as well, because I believe that it does apply to Brandon. And if I want it to apply to Brandon, I find myself also wanting it to apply to all of humanity's men and women:

… we believe there is wisdom in the perspectives of women, who are striving day to day... to create their lives and to recreate culture and community for their children. There is value in the stories of these regular common people who do the mundane but richly detailed work of sowing seeds and harvesting fruits, preparing foods and cleaning homes, fixing remedies and stitching cloth, selling goods and listening to the stories people share when they come together to celebrate, to grieve and to pass on traditions. (A Passion for Life Committee, qtd. in Metz, “Passionate Differences”)

I have, in the past, paid lip service to the ideal of mutual care between genders, of caring for the male and the female. My anger toward men, though, has sometimes overshadowed this conviction. I don't think I apologize for that anger—it has been a part of my intellectual and experiential journey as a feminist. Instead, I hope that I am taking the next step toward true reconciliation, to celebrating us all, together, and hoping that women and men of all places will be able to find this beauty in the other. In so doing, my hope is that we can go beyond “battles of the sexes” of all types to envision and live in a world of true mutuality. Further, I hope we can shed those stereotypes and boxes in which we attempt to constrain ourselves and Others.

I'm finally beginning to take in, to attempt to embody and internalize in the deepest sense of knowing and being convicted, this ideal of mutual love and mutual empowerment of true human selves. If that isn't a beautiful mercy of God, I don't know what is.